BULLSHIT-O-METER

I received a very insightful critique recently about the blog, this guy said to me that my blog is very interesting for women; they would trip over it and feel great about themselves. But, among men it wouldn’t be so popular! He said there is a very striking feminine theme to every entry. I am biased towards that topic but I wanted to bring my readers something different and refreshing this time round. This entry has nothing to do with shit, it’s about a different kind of shit, more mental. Anyway, if you’re offended by the exaggerated usage of ‘shit’ you don’t have to read this and I can write anything since it is my blog!

In this modern world of complex sciences, extra intelligent and over smart humans there is a secret component to success. This secret component is called ‘jazz’, ‘street smartness’, fast thinking fast talking, great communication, good oratory ability. Personally I term it as the ability to bullshit others convincingly. Hence, the term bullshitting that will be used a lot here. BULLSHIT. In our everyday lives we encounter so many situations where other people bullshit us all the time. The sales person is bullshitting you about his “great” product; the house help is bullshitting you about a raise; the wife is bullshitting you about buying new jewelery; your boss is bullshitting you about some company policy; the landlord is trying to get more money from you. All of these and many more instances tell us that the person who is able to bullshit effectively gets what he wants. You of course loose what you gave him. Such is the tragedy of life. In this tragic situation the positive thing is that almost everyone has a bullshit-o-meter in the head. My meter is so very accurate.

Just the other day this bank guy was trying to tell me how the credit card would make my shopping easier. I was definitely not interested, I had a lot of time and I thought he spoke well so I gave a listening ear. My meter at that time was going BING BONG BING and more, I was throwing hogwash at him and he was doing the same. I didn’t take the credit card but I enjoyed that conversation and it wasn’t my phone bill for a change! This is a recent incident of my meter going off. Usually in my interactions with people I am able to see very easily who is bullshitting me and who isn’t. This really is very simple. The bullshitters are many and they think they’re oh so smart. They think that they can outwit the world and no one can see through their ploy. This is the biggest weakness these smart Alecs carry; that’s when your bullshit-o-meter will come in most handy. Word of Caution - keep the meter running always, you never know when you need it. You might just loose something very important, like your money or even your mind! The best part about the meter is that it also teaches you how to give it back.

Personally, I am bullshitted to a lot. I can see through it, but at the same time the stakes are usually too high for me to tell people the plain and simple truth. The smarts don’t understand the simple truth simply. They need everything explained in the same language they throw at you, apparently, they judge a person’s ability to buy their crap by the kind of crap that is given back to them. I have this tendency to thoroughly enjoy the weirdest of all situations. So as per my tendency I enjoy the game of giving bull. Just yesterday, I had this person X tell me the following à “You are the greatest; there is no one better than you. You’re brilliant, you’re fantastic and you’re the best. In addition to this, you are also heading in the right direction. If I compare you with other mere mortals, you’re definitely superior. There was this one act that this mortal did that just didn’t settle right with me and this is exactly what I am seeing with you.” Now my meter went BING BONG BING at the word fantastic. What I got from this conversation is that X thinks that I messed up big time and does not like what I did. What did I do about it? Something really constructive, I blogged about it! I guess the natural tendencies definitely take over and the enjoyment continues :)

The other problem with the bullshit-O-meter is that these days it rings all the time. I am also pleasantly surprised once in a while when I don’t hear that annoying BING BONG noise in my head. One of those rare occasions I celebrate, I give myself a treat, I say Mini there is still hope for humanity. So let’s not give up just yet. I prefer the tiny totters they still don’t have a meter and they don’t bullshit anyone. I get along really well with them and truly enjoy their company. It’s fun to tell them something completely incredible and unbelievable; when they believe it I feel like I was successful in bullshitting at least someone. So I practice with the kids and make final attempts with adults. The process works very well. The problem is that I carry with me the baggage of a reputation of being a bullshitter. So, even when I am genuine people always think that I am bullshitting. Most people tread with caution around me and will not accept anything I say at face value. The harder I try to convince anyone against their belief, the louder their meters ring. Now these meters should be tuned correctly. What do I do about this? I blog about it!

I have learned to bullshit now, this from those who tried to jazz me. I have mastered this art form and can do it really really well. But I choose not to. I would rather tell someone that they messed up, than wrap the person tight in a couple of blankets and hit them hard. I’ve seen that people usually appreciate the straight forwardness. But those occasional bullshitting situations are sure fun! I wish for a world without the bullshit, this world does not exist. It’s an idealistic mode of thinking and too much optimism. The current world has a very tiny ray of hope left. But, let’s see how far I succeed in changing the world. To get a head start I can begin by being a little more constructive than blogging ;)