May 5, 2009
Random Privacy Invasion
I recently had the misfortune of meeting and extraordinarily obnoxious man. This man, we’ll call him ‘Curious George’ left us all as Indians feeling ashamed of ourselves and you will soon find out why. For the benefit of those that don’t know I have an extremely high standard of privacy and believe in keeping my nose completely out of other people’s business. In return, I expect that they will do the same. But, NO! This is too much to ask for. I think that somewhere in the quest for independence and the struggle for development the entire Indian community lost its sense of privacy. I don't know about the rest of our large population. But, I want my privacy baaack!
I was victimized by Curious George who I met en route a very exciting vacation. Due to the above stated reasons –
(a) Love of privacy
(b) Desire to keep prying eyes away from my life
I act like a complete bitch around strangers and in public places so that they don’t start a conversation with me. I do my best to ignore people; I always carry my entertainment and never need anyone to talk to me. On this journey as well I was busy being my happy, pricey, bitchy self and I thought I sent out the message LOUD and CLEAR. But, Mr. Curious George didn’t quite catch the suggestive gestures. He was sitting right next to me blowing hot air from everywhere and suffering from a terrible case of silent farts! I was listening to music with ear plugs, working on the computer and I was also smelling my hair because the air around was unbearable. Suddenly, Curious George taps my shoulder and interrupts all these activities. He actually touched me, eew! Without an apology he launched into these questions about my life, destination, job, family, dating cycle and my entire life to be precise. As if the interruption wasn't bad enough.
The flaw in my ‘act like a bitch’ plan is that I am unable to really be a bitch. I was nice to him out of courtesy but Curious didn’t stop. After half an hour of evading questions and giving vague answers, I excused myself to go the restroom. I went there and almost tore my hair out; I let out a silent scream and a prayer at the same time. After getting my act together I was a little resourceful and found a flight attendant. I begged her to change my seat; I told her that she could leave me on the floor but not on MY seat. She was nice and listened patiently; thankfully at the first opportunity she changed my place. Before I left I told curious that I had a backache on that seat and managed to escape his clutches.
There is a social message in this story people. Just because you’re sitting next to someone doesn’t mean that the person is even remotely interested in sharing their lives with you. One other thing, the probability of you finding love on the airport, bus stop, theatre or any other public place is like 0.005%. Women think this is creepy, if you creep someone out they will hit you on the head with a bag or a shoe! If you’re unbearably bored you can try something entertaining like licking your elbow, touching your tongue to your nose, biting you head off if you find nothing else. But, Please for the sake of all sanity on earth, do not take a plunge into the stranger’s life. They don’t want to tell where they’re headed, why, why alone, how much money their parents make or how much money they make, when they plan to plan to marry, retire or die! If you ask these questions the person will either kill you or die right then. Some of us call this TORTURE!
I am not one of those who will die, I will ‘focking’ kill. People who know me, know that I am capable of murder and willing to murder for the right cause. The search for the cause is over. I will find curious George and kill him. Noooooo, wait, if I see that pest again I will vomit first, then maybe I'll kill him.
WARNING – If you ever see a really pricey and bitchy woman very busy at a public place, don’t even go within a radius of 100 meters, she carries a big knife. Self defense.